i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
