I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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