new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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