5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
