I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
