I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're making bets on your personal life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
