I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize