the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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