she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
People in love make me want to vomit
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
