batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
