Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh god it's open bar.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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