THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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