wakey wakey hands off snakey
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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