burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
