We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
