We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
