Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
