Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
