Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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