White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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