JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize