When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my being single is dangerous.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
