Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
