Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
