at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize