I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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