dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
