So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
