did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
