You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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