I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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