You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
