and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize