I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
