i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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