i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize