he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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