did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
