So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize