Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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