the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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