So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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