Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
