Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My vagina is officially offended.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
