I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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