Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
