I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
