first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
