have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
