So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
