Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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