You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
