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fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I came so hard my ears popped.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
