I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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