chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
