I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
