garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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