you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
