hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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