just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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