my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He better not be in your backpack
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
