We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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