This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
