I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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