im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
