You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
