I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
