hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
