Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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