if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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