I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
