I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
