So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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