if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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